31 Characteristics of the Wife of Noble Character – #5 She is Consistent

by Leslie De Morais

Definition

Consistent – [kuh n-sis-tuh nt] (adj) 1. agreeing or accordant; compatible; not self-contradictory: His views and actions are consistent. 2. constantly adhering to the same principles, course, form, etc.: a consistent opponent. 3. holding firmly together; cohering.1

She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.         – Proverbs 31:14 (NIV)

Merchant Ships

For millenniums, cities have depended upon merchant ships to set sail for distant lands with the promise of returning heavily laden with all sorts of valued commodities and enticing treasures. Local economies counted on the regularity of delivered goods not readily available from surrounding areas, such as: spices, textiles, natural resources like wood, or precious minerals like gold. The arrival of the merchant ship on the horizon signaled the prospect of abundance, prosperity, and comfortable times ahead.

An early merchant shipping vessel

One of the keys to success for any company in the merchant shipping industry was consistency. Without reliability of delivery, commerce would grind to a halt. Fleet owners were required to plan for and handle unpredictable weather, unreliable crewmen, and unrelenting piracy in order to meet the demands of customers without skipping a beat. Only the most consistent companies gained the trust of the store owners and the public, thus solidifying future orders.

Your Consistency Affects Your Family

If someone compared you to “the merchant ships, bringing food from afar,” the comment might not communicate the great compliment it truly is. Really, who wants to be likened to a commercial vessel? Yet the praise is high, indeed!

So much of what is contained in the job description of a wife and mother falls under the category of “unseen and thankless tasks.” No one else notices unless it isn’t done. Rarely will you hear, “Wow, the house looks and smells great!”, after you’ve swept, mopped, vacuumed and dusted the entire house. Yet, skip a day or two of tidying up and every member of your household comments about the mess! Like the merchant ships, only the owner recognizes the hard work behind consistently meeting needs, on time, every time.

When my children were young, toddlers even, I made the decision to have “sit down” dinners every night. As they grew into preteens and teens, we had those dinners together as much as their sports and extracurricular schedules permitted. Why the fuss? Research shows that one of the best ways to connect with your family is through sitting down at the table and enjoying a meal together. It’s a way to communicate with your children. It’s a great way for them to see their parents interacting positively. It’s a perfect way to have group discussion, teach a principle or establish new family codes of conduct or expectations. Most of all, it’s a way to check the negative influence the world is having on your family and counter balance that with Biblical precepts and encouragement.

Early on, my husband and I agreed upon the importance the dinner table would serve in our lives. As a physical education teacher, he fully understood the intrinsic value of consistent training. Around our daily meals together, we would plant seeds of God’s word in our children’s hearts. Daily, they could count on sitting down at the table, praying with us, practicing good table manners, participating in open conversation, remaining at the table until everyone finished and helping to clear the table after the meal was over. What I just described didn’t happen overnight. Every new phase in their development required revisiting expectations and explaining the reasons behind our need to spend time together as a family. Our consistency won out. My husband and I braved the preteen years and somehow survived the teen years. For our now adult children, gathering around the dinner table is what normal looks like to them.

Establish good habits with kids while they are young. They grow up all too fast!

As “the merchant ship” of the family, I took it upon myself to set a proper table, to vary the menu, and to make meals on time and worth coming home to. That takes commitment, especially if you work outside the home. My husband began sharing the responsibility and many nights we cooked together. That was an added and unexpected bonus, time together in the kitchen recapping our day while we chopped and diced. Now that our children are grown, the toil behind that major decision fades and the memories of us around the table remain.

Were there exceptions to the rule? Yes, of course. But that is what it should be. Not eating together is the exception and not the other way around. Ask yourself: Have you fallen into lazy or less effective routines with your family? Has the dinning table become a catch all for mail, assorted junk or dust from inactivity? Do your kids ask if it’s a special occasion should you decide to set the table because they are so unaccustomed to looking at family faces while eating instead of the television or their iPads?

Meal time is so much more than simply satisfying the biological need for sustenance. It represents an opportunity to commune, connect, communicate. It’s not by chance that one of the most well-known scenes of the New Testament took place around a table. In the three years that Jesus spent with his disciples I imagine he broke bread with them daily. Every time they ate together, he had another chance to get to know them and to be known by them. They saw his example, heard his words and felt his presence. The Last Supper was a familiar “family” event for the disciples although they would only come to understand its deep significance much later. And how they would treasure those moments after Jesus had left them to be reunited with the Father!

The Last Supper by French artist Bouveret

Your Consistency Affects Your Righteousness

King David of the Old Testament, a forefather in Jesus’ earthly lineage, was described as “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:13-14), meaning God could trust that David desired what He desired. What an incredible attribute! What an amazing description for someone who loved God and wanted to serve Him! Yet, David’s life was characterized by spiritual highs and lows. The most infamous low was his adulterous relationship with a married woman, which resulted in the birth of an illegitimate son and the consequent assassination of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah.

David sees Bathsheba from afar.

The prophet Nathan was given the terrifying task of confronting King David and calling him to repentance. Fortunately, for Nathan, after he recounted a convicting parable, realization set in and David acknowledged his sin before God and the prophet, but not without consequence. His infant son soon fell ill and in a week’s time died. It was then that the full extent of David’s sin was felt to his core and Psalm 51 was inspired.

The Prophet Nathan confronts David about his adultery.

10Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.                                                              – Psalm 51:10-12

The word steadfast, meaning fixed in a direction; firm in purpose; unwavering or resolute, is what you’ll find in the Bible more readily than the word consistent. It also means faithful or reliable. It stands out in David’s psalm as he is racked with guilt and grief after coming to terms with his iniquity and the loss of his son. He asks God to renew a steadfast spirit within him.  Perhaps David recognized that his failure to obey the Lord’s commands stemmed from his inconsistency.

In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.”   – 2 Samuel 11:1-3

David let his guard down. Instead of doing what a king should have been doing, he sent another in his place and remained back at the palace, idle. Maybe the old adage, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop” sprang from this very situation.

Consistently doing what we know is right can certainly help shield us from temptation.

Your Consistency Affects Your Maturity

“I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and lows.” 2  – Drew Barrymore, Actress/Producer/Director

Drew Barrymore

Typically, I research the lives of the people I quote in my blog. Why? To better understand the circumstances and deeper meanings to their quotes. I need to comprehend the who, what, why and how behind the words of these famous people who someone thought worthy of quoting. Discovering significant events of Drew Barrymore’s life led me to a greater appreciation of the above quote. Here’s a brief description of some of her highs and lows:

Drew Blythe Barrymore (born February 22, 1975) is an American actress, author, director, model and producer. She is a member of the Barrymore family of American stage and film actors, and a granddaughter of actor John Barrymore. Beginning as a child actress on television, she soon transitioned to feature films, including her biggest box office success, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982).

Following a highly publicized, turbulent childhood marked by drug and alcohol abuse with two stints in rehab, she released her autobiography, Little Girl Lost (1991). Barrymore appeared in a string of successful films and in 1995, she and Nancy Juvonen formed a joint production company, Flower Films. Her godmothers are Lee Strasberg’s widow Anna Strasberg, a relationship with whom Barry has described as “would become so important to me as a kid because she was so kind and nurturing”, and actress Sophia Loren, and her godfather is director Steven Spielberg.

In the wake of her sudden stardom, Barrymore endured a notoriously troubled childhood. She was already a regular at the racy Studio 54 as a young girl, smoking cigarettes at age of nine, drinking alcohol at age eleven, smoking marijuana at age twelve and snorting cocaine at age thirteen. Her nightlife and constant partying became a popular subject with the media. She was in rehab at age of fourteen, and spent eighteen months in an institution for the mentally ill. A suicide attempt, also at 14, put her back in rehab, followed by a three-month stay with singer David Crosby (of rock group Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young fame) and his wife. The stay was precipitated, Crosby said, because she “needed to be around some people that were committed to sobriety.” Barrymore later described this period of her life in her autobiography, Little Girl Lost. After a successful juvenile court petition for emancipation, she moved into her own apartment at the age of fifteen.

Barrymore went on to star in numerous films, some of which were box office hits and some with less than glowing critical acclaim. She has won a Former Child Star “Lifetime Achievement” Award from the Young Artist Foundation, and has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She won a Screen Actors Guild Award and a Golden Globe Award for her performance in Grey Gardens (2009). Barrymore’s films compile a worldwide box office gross that stands at over US$2.3 billion.3

All actors dream of the mountain top experiences (the highs) of their profession; fame, fortune, and accolades. I imagine that no one desires the low points; being passed over, starring in flops, and addictions. So, is it possible to have the highs without the lows? Can there be mountains without valleys? I don’t think so. To some, Ms. Barrymore’s words may sound safe and unambitious. However, after a closer examination of her life, I sense experience, maturity and levelheadedness in her quote.

While reaching for the “highs,” perhaps some of the “lows” in one’s life cannot be avoided. However, leading a consistent life may even out the waves, making it easier to deal with the ups and downs of the voyage.

Consistency Affects the Basics of Christianity

There’s no way around it, consistency is one of those characteristics that permeates all others. It’s like excellence or passion. It ends up being applied to every aspect of a person’s life and becomes their hallmark. Whether it be in punctuality, a pleasant demeanor, a strong work ethic, an amazing prayer life or a deep relationship with God, etc., consistency is a cornerstone of those who continually see progress in their lives.

“Consistency, madam, is the first of Christian duties.” 4  – Charlotte Bronte, Writer

As with New Year resolutions, lofty ambitions or awe-inspiring declarations may wear off as time goes by. If you are sensing that your consistency needs an overhaul, my suggestion is that you start off slow and steady in any resolution or decision you make. Small amounts of progress are far better than none at all. Increasing measures of effort and dedication over time are healthier than a burst of energy that quickly dies out.

“The beast, the religion of any restaurant is consistency. The food has to be the same every single time. It has to be as good (as the last time). That requires eternal vigilance.” 5                                      – Anthony Bourdain, Chef/Author/TV Host

The best restaurants can boast longevity because of consistency. Their customers know they will not be disappointed, so they return, again and again.

As a young Christian, I was prone to being led by my emotions rather than being guided by the Word of God. You can easily imagine the problems that could spring up because of that! What would happen if I didn’t feel like reading my Bible, sharing my faith, meeting with other disciples or keeping my commitment with God?

A friend helped me see and understand that feelings, emotions and even circumstances change constantly. God’s Word remains the same. Steadfast. There were many situations where I needed to simply decide to be consistent with God, and hopefully the feelings would follow. Most times, the right feelings did follow the obedient actions. Now, thirty-four years later, that good advice still helps me to be consistent.


In 2018, my personal theme for the year is “Transforming weaknesses into strengths.” The sky’s the limit! Everything in my life and character are open for improvement. Here’s the plan:

  • Decide about what I most want/need to change
  • Pray, meditate, seek input
  • Take practical steps and make achievable goals
  • Reflect, reboot, rejoice in the process and the progress, large or small

I hope you’ll join me! Leave comments and let me know what you plan to grow in.


Footnotes:

1 Dictionary.com

2 www.brainyquote.com

3 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drew_Barrymore

4 www.brainyquote.com

5 Documentary, Jeremiah Tower: The Last Magnificent

The Strong Marriage Check List: Item #4: Respect

Opinions differ regarding what a marriage needs to either become strong or stay strong. The following is from a list I compiled of ten essential characteristics couples need to build a strong and lasting marriage.


by Leslie De Morais

Item #4: Respect

“When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom,” says the best-selling author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray.

There may be times in your marriage when you think to yourself, “I’ve married a completely different life form! One from outer space!” This thought springs from the fact that men and women think and act so differently. It might seem as if your husband is from another planet!

In this age of acceptance and tolerance, you might assume it would be easier to adjust ourselves to one another in marriage. However, the daily challenges of seeing eye-to-eye with your spouse remain.

The quote from John Gray gives us a window into some basic understanding of what a relationship needs to function. Acceptance of each another’s differences is impossible without the first step of respect.

Respect and Love

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.                          – Ephesians 5:22-33 (NIV)

This well-known passage, which outlines the attitudes and actions God expects of us in marriage, is sometimes misunderstood. Words like submit, obey, and respect, are hot button topics for most women. Not taking the time to understand what the Bible is teaching us can cause our hearts to become stubborn, unbelieving or even rebellious toward God’s word. The dangerous consequences can result in either rejecting His standard for our lives or modifying it to suit our own ideas or lifestyle. Attitudes such as these nullify the Bible and our acts of worshiping God are rendered useless. (Read Matthew 15:1-9 to see an example of this concept.)

So why is respect such a difficult trait to develop in marriage? For most of us, we look at the concept of respect from the wrong end of the matter. We tend to focus on the recipient of respect instead of the giver of respect.

From a very young age, we are taught that respect must be earned. And to some extent, that notion is true. But does that mean we have free reign to disrespect those who have not earned our respect? I don’t believe so.

Respect Everyone

Mount Rushmore features 60-foot (18 m) sculptures of the heads of four United States presidents: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.

In a worldly sense, those who are elevated to a level of respect usually have a long list of admirable qualities and strong characters. These people are respected for their accomplishments and contributions. They inspire awe and high esteem. And we revere them for being better than ourselves.

An example of this would be my attitude toward particular styles of art. A friend proudly displayed an original painting she bought at a pricey gallery. It consisted of a thick brushstroke of black down the middle, a squiggly line of red and a yellow circle. Surprised at my lack of enthusiasm she asked why I didn’t like it. I replied, “I don’t appreciated art I can do myself.”

It is this same approach some people take when confronted with the idea of respect. If the recipient of the respect isn’t “better” than me, then how can I be expected to respect him or her? There’s a monumental problem with this rationale. What if half the world doesn’t pass your assessment of being better than you are? What about your husband? What happens if he doesn’t find himself in that coveted category of being better than you are?

Consider Christ

Let’s think about Jesus for a moment. Who walking the earth was better than him? Who was more spiritual? More loving? Wiser? More intelligent? Without sin? The answer is no one. Yet look at this incredible example of respect he leaves us to imitate:

53 Then they all went home,but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.  At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”         – John 7:53-8:11 (NIV)

Picture this scene. Someone “caught in the act” of adultery is most likely naked or at least scantily clad. Either way, it would make for an extremely compromising situation. Now imagine being in that predicament completely surrounded by men. Compound the circumstances with the fact that those men are religious leaders bent on condemnation. What does Jesus do? In a matter of a split second, he assesses the fact that the question posed is a trap. They are using the woman’s sin to condemn her and trap Jesus. Two birds with one stone!

Now, how can Jesus school these legalistic leaders and have a lasting impact on the woman? He shrewdly diverts the men’s attention away from the woman by writing on the ground. Envision that moment when all the men lean in to see what Jesus is scribbling in the dirt. Out of respect, Jesus is not looking at the humiliated woman. Because of him, neither is the crowd of men. Jesus goes a step further and causes each one of the men to look inward at themselves by saying, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Who then had the courage to look at the woman after those wise words? I don’t suppose those men had the courage to even look at one another yet alone the woman.

Here’s a question for you: was the woman caught in adultery worthy of Christ’s respect? If you’d asked the teachers of the law and the Pharisees, surely they would say, “No.” What about the onlookers? Were they worthy of Christ’s respect? Jesus could have shamed them because of their sinful ways, yet he gently reproved them by causing each one to examine his own heart and life. You see, the only person worthy of respect in this scenario was Jesus and he was the only one showing respect.

Respect for others is achieved when we comprehend that the respect given is based on a decision to be a respectful person. True respect is not dependent on another’s worthiness to receive it.

Your husband is not Jesus. He is imperfect, like you are. He has flaws, as do you. Why should you respect him? Well, hopefully you will respect him because you have decided to be a respectful person. Your decision just might inspire and motivate those around you to be people worthy of respect. But even if others do not change, you can imitate that in Jesus which is good and right and pleases God.


As with any check list, this one may show your strengths and weaknesses, what’s already present and what’s missing from your relationship. A check list reveals where you’re at and where you need to go. The good news is you can celebrate what’s going well and make a plan to fortify what’s lacking in your marriage.  With reliance on God and some attention to the matter, you’ll soon be checking all the boxes!

 

Footnotes:

1 John Gray (born December 28, 1951) is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992, he published the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, which became a long-term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities. His books have sold millions of copies. (Wikipedia)

31 Characteristics of the Wife of Noble Character – #2 She is Trustworthy

by Leslie De Morais

Characteristic #2 – She is trustworthy

Definition

Trustworthy – [truhst-wur-th ee]  (adj.) 1) deserving of trust or confidence; dependable; reliable: The treasurer was not entirely trustworthy. 1

Her husband has full confidence in her                                                                               and lacks nothing of value.   – Proverbs 31:11 (NIV)

 

Romance and Royals

Like many of you, I love a good romance set in an historic period, such as the novels of Emily Bronte or Jane Austen. Just picture a meticulous English garden or the breath-taking French countryside, or imposing manor houses and stone castles. These settings coupled with the idea of an aristocrat’s lifestyle all make for an enticing escape from our humdrum 21st century lives.

In the past two decades or so, I have found myself especially drawn to European history, primarily through classic novels depicted artistically down to minute details in movies or mini-series. Fully fascinated by the costumes of the era, the architecture, interior décor and the high standards of propriety, I find myself immersed in the drama of the characters. The complexity of noble hierarchies, intrigue wreaking havoc in monarchies and the disparity between the royals and commoners create real life settings and stories the imagination would be hard pressed to improve upon.

Netflix’s “The Crown,” starring Claire Foy

While watching one of these series, I found myself contemplating the pros and cons of being born into a royal family. Much to my surprise, my list of cons far outweighed the pros. The case against this imagined circumstance included, but was not limited to, considerations such as:

  • having extremely high expectations forced upon one’s self,
  • the weight of a nation’s progress and well-being as one’s primary responsibility,
  • and, a greatly diminished amount of privacy or lack of anonymity.

Perhaps thoughts like these gave birth to the expression, “Heavy is the head that wears the crown.” The original source of this phrase is not known, but William Shakespeare used it in his play, King Henry IV, with little modification:

                        “Deny it to a king? Then happy low, lie down!                                                                             Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.”

In Act III, Scene I, King Henry IV says these lines to express how tough his duty of kingship is, and how difficult it is to take on such a serious responsibility, which constantly worries him.2

 

A Royal Proclamation

The line in Shakespeare’s play causes me to consider this quote:

“I have in sincerity pledged myself to your service, as so many of you are pledged to mine. Throughout all my life and with all my heart I shall strive to be worthy of your trust.”  – Queen Elizabeth II2

Queen Elizabeth II in February 1952

What an amazing promise make and live up to! And from a queen, no less! It certainly conveys a deep understanding of the daunting task that laid ahead of a young 26-year-old princess who became queen due to the abdication of the throne by her uncle and later the subsequent passing of her father.

Queen Elizabeth II vowed trustworthiness, not only to a nation, but also to the entire common wealth of the United Kingdom.

Now, let’s bring all this home.

Would you be able to make that same pledge (and keep your word) to just one human being? Could you say it, in all sincerity, to your husband? Picture yourself speaking these words to him:

“Throughout all my life and with all my heart I shall strive to be worthy of your trust.”

Does your husband have full confidence in you in all areas of the marriage? What are those areas? Here are some, to name just a few:

  • marital fidelity,
  • family finances,
  • your thoughts,
  • your words,
  • and your deeds.

Lessons on trustworthiness from the Bible

God sets us a divine example of trustworthiness, in his actions, his promises and in his precepts.

The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. – Psalm 19:7 (NIV)

The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. – Psalm 111:7 (NIV)

The statutes you have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy. – Psalm 119:138 (NIV)

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. – Psalm 145:13 (NIV)

Paul was an example of trustworthiness:

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service.                          – 1 Timothy 1:12 (NIV)

Paul’s expectation of women in the church:

In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.              – 1 Timothy 3:11 (NIV)

In everything? Yes, in everything.

 

Practical Application

Marital fidelity

Do you think it impossible to be unfaithful to your husband? Here are the 2011 statistics regarding adultery, according to Dr. Kelly James Bonewell, a psychologist and theologian counselor.

Infidelity Statistics

  • Over 33% of married men will cheat on their wives;
  • Nearly 25% of all married women will cheat on their husbands;
  • More than 50% of all marriages will be impacted by one of the spouses being unfaithful.

Grim statistics if you think about them.

Here are some other interesting facts that we know:

  • Back in the 1960’s it was usually the husband who was unfaithful.
  • Today, researchers are finding that women are just as likely as men to have an affair.

As a way of comparison to how adultery has become more prevalent: a 1983 study found that 29% of married people under twenty-five had had an affair. By comparison, only 9 percent of spouses in the 1950s under the age of 25 had been involved in extramarital sex.

Ten percent of extramarital affairs are “one night stands;” ten percent last more than one day, but less than a month; half of all affairs last more than a month but less than a year; and 40 percent last two or more years (Lampe, 2000).

Perhaps you are thinking, “This can’t be a problem in the church. Certainly the moral standards of Christians are higher.” There is growing evidence that adultery is also a tremendous problem in Christian circles. One could site many studies—the most recent from Christianity Today shows that 45 percent of Christians indicate having done something sexually inappropriate, and 23 percent having extramarital intercourse (Anderson, 2000). These numbers pretty much mirror the national averages.3

Flirting may ignite a flame you can’t control.

With Dr. Bonewell’s findings in mind, think about your trustworthiness. Adultery begins with letting down your guard with flirtation or allowing the mind to wander. It could start with inappropriate joking or unnecessary physical contact, intimate comments or confiding in the wrong person about struggles in your marriage. Hidden online contact or conversations should certainly be a red flag. Avoid temptation. Don’t be naïve.

Faithfulness to your husband is directly linked to your faithfulness to God. A trustworthy wife is sexually faithful to her husband not because he is so awesome or handsome or such a good provider, or even because she loves him. She is trustworthy in this area of her life because of the commitment she made first and foremost to God.

Family finances

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 11 So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? 12And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?                – Luke 16:10-12 (NIV)

Hey, Big Spender! Do you need to confess, Mrs. Shopaholic?

Can your husband trust you to stick to a budget? Are you able to account for what you spend? Does your reasoning constantly outweigh his requests to spend only what is necessary? Family finances are one of the three things about which couples most argue and disagree.

As a woman who loves fashion, interior design and entertaining, I can verify there is always a “reason” to spend just a little more. In our relationship, I soon learned that my husband and I had very different ideas as to what was necessary and what was not. It took us years to successfully discuss and reach middle ground regarding how money should be allotted, saved and spent. As with most topics in marriage, it required love, respect and compromise on both parts. However, changing my reputation as an irresponsible spender took almost a decade. Today, being considered trustworthy by my husband is more important to me than anything I could buy in a store.

 

Your thoughts

Thoughts are the easiest aspect of ourselves to hide. The mind is a secret place where we can do what we please and conceal it from everyone – everyone except God, of course.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. – Hebrews 4:12-13 (NIV)

In the Old Testament book of Proverbs and the New Testament book of Matthew, we learn the heart and our thoughts are connected, spiritually speaking.

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.” – Matthew 15:18-20 (NIV)

Here’s what we should, as Christians, be thinking:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. – Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

Now Playing: The Movie of Your Thoughts!

If it were possible to show a film of your thoughts on the big screen at the movie theater in your town, would you be applauded or would you cringe in shame and embarrassment? Can your husband have full confidence in the thoughts you have about him and others?

 

Your words

The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy. – Proverbs 12:22 (NIV)

Lies are just one of the ways we can sin against God and wound our relationship with our husband. Do you exaggerate? Do you speak in a snide or cynical fashion? Do you hurt others with words and cover it up behind jokes? Do you publically make disparaging comments about your husband to others?

Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.                                        – Ephesians 4:25 (NIV)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Words are powerful tools. They can either build others up or tear them down. Be trustworthy in how you use them.

 

Your deeds

A wicked messenger falls into trouble, but a trustworthy envoy brings healing. – Proverbs 13:17 (NIV)

A reliable messenger is refreshing to the one who sends him, like cold water in the heat of harvest time. – Proverbs 25:13 (GNT)

Can your husband depend on you to do what you promise? Or, are you full of excuses? If he should ask you to take on a task, can he forget about it or does he constantly need to follow up?

Being a trustworthy wife is a tall order that encompasses every area of our lives. It takes a strong character and deep understanding that being worthy of trust begins with being trustworthy before God himself. Your fortunate husband simply reaps the benefit.

 

Footnotes

1 Dictionary.com

2 Literarydevices.net

3 http://www.kellybonewell.com/adultery-just-the-statistics/