An Introduction to 31 Characteristics of the Wife of Noble Character

by Leslie De Morais

 

In this modern world of ours, a woman may aspire to countless professions, attributes, titles and abilities. However, I cannot think of one that compares or competes with becoming a wife of noble character.

As you read Proverbs 31:10-31, see if you can identify the 31 characteristics of a wife of noble character.

10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.                                                                                                            –  Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV)

The virtuous wife of Proverbs 31 is awe inspiring indeed. Surely, she is the culmination of the ideal wife and mature woman.

Her numerous attributes may leave us overwhelmed, however, I prefer to learn from her rather than be intimidated by her.

My list of her amazing qualities is meant to be used as a source of inspiration, meditation, imitation and admiration. Each of the 31 qualities comes with:

  • A dictionary definition
  • Inspiring quotes
  • Bible scriptures
  • Practical application

As you study, you may find other adjectives that describe her. Add them to your list.

Take your time reading. It’s not a race, because I doubt there’s a finish line. Transformation into a wife of noble character takes a lifetime of training and perfecting.

Beware the temptation to doubt the existence of the woman of Proverbs 31. Becoming like her is possible. I have actually known incredible women who fit this description.

Here’s my list of her characteristics:

  1. Valued (v. 10)
  2. Trustworthy (v. 11)
  3. Good (v. 12)
  4. Diligent (v. 13)
  5. Consistent (v. 14)
  6. Hard working (v. 15a)
  7. Serving (v. 15b,c)
  8. Business woman (v. 16a)
  9. Financially responsible (v. 16b)
  10. Stamina (v. 17a)
  11. Physically fit (v. 17b)
  12. Savvy (v. 18)
  13. Capable (v. 19)
  14. Compassionate (v. 20)
  15. Fearless (v. 21a)
  16. Prepared (v. 22b)
  17. Determined (v. 22a)
  18. Elegant (v. 22b)
  19. Discerning (v. 23)
  20. Industrious (v. 24)
  21. Strong (v. 25a)
  22. Dignified (v. 25a)
  23. Confident (v. 25b)
  24. Wise (v. 26a)
  25. Knowledgeable (v. 26b)
  26. Attentive (v. 27a)
  27. Busy (v. 27b)
  28. Respected (v. 28)
  29. Excellent (v. 29)
  30. Righteous (v. 30)
  31. Honored (v.31)

The list of 31 characteristics of a wife of noble character is inspiring to say the least. It is perhaps a little daunting or even intimidating. Let’s learn from her one characteristic at a time. Are you up to the challenge?

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New blog articles featuring the 31 Characteristics of the Wife of Noble Character will be posted weekly.

The Strong Marriage Check List: Item #3 – Humor

by Leslie De Morais

 

Opinions differ regarding what a marriage needs to either become strong or stay strong. The following is from a list I compiled of ten essential characteristics couples need to build a strong and lasting marriage.

Item #3: Humor

Being able to laugh, with one another, at each other, or at your circumstances, could just possibly be one of the best ways to weather tough times.  It can also help a marriage to last. Humor, lightheartedness and having fun are some of God’s best gifts for any relationship. They give way to happiness, appreciation and serenity, even if only momentarily. These times of spontaneous smiles, giggles, chuckles or raucous laughter relieve stress and ease tension. They bring levity and a sense of contentment to a marriage.

The comedian Milton Burle once said, “Laughter is an instant vacation.”

Not only is it an instantaneous vacation, it’s free and lasts as long as you make it last.

There is great assurance in a relationship when you know your partner has the ability and discernment to use humor in a proper manner, time and place.

When I first met Alcides, one of his characteristics I found myself drawn to was his sense of humor. It was so diverse! He could imitate a variety of accents or individuals. He could make witty commentaries about current events or recite a repertoire of his father’s vintage jokes on command, one right after another.  He could even make light of the mistakes he made in English (since it is his second language). He was so funny. Or, was I simply in love? Being able to laugh at your husband’s sense of humor is a good gauge to the level of closeness in your relationship.

There are two things that are almost impossible for a wife to do if there’s a wedge between her and her husband: have sex with him or laugh at his jokes.

What do the two have in common? Laughter, inside jokes, and goofiness, they are all a form of intimacy. They are the product of months, years, decades together. They communicate, “I know you. I know how you think, I know what you’re about to say. I know you and I love you.” Humor allows us to relax a little and let down our guard, even when life is not perfect. Our time together just seems more enjoyable when we’re able to laugh, no matter what else is going on.

When was the last time you and your husband had a good laugh? Not at externally sourced humor from a comedian or TV show, but a laugh at something just between the two of you. Perhaps a private joke. Maybe about something that always made you laugh in the past. If it’s been a while, there may be an impediment to your closeness. It could be stress or an unresolved issue. It could be you just haven’t made the time to stop and simply spend time together.

Humor thieves

What robs us of the good fun we could be having with our spouse?

We all know that life happens. Constant bliss is what we have to look forward to when we’re in heaven. On this earth, we may face troubles and trials of many kinds, such as: worry, unemployment, debt, disappointment, illness, loss, etc.

Since none of us are immuned to the innumerous predicaments life can throw our way, the best course of action is to learn how to take life in stride and not let it steal our joy.

Insurance against theft

Having a spiritual perspective is what one Bible character chose to do. The Apostle Paul made a decision to keep his eye on the prize (heaven, being united with Christ and coming into God’s presence) instead of allowing the weight of life’s problems to drag him down. And he had some fairly hefty problems!

Whatever anyone else dares to boast about—I am speaking as a fool—I also dare to boast about. 22 Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they Abraham’s descendants? So am I. 23 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again.24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one.25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. 29 Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?                – 2 Corinthians 11:21b-29 (NIV)

Floggings, beatings, attacked with stones, shipwrecked, lost at sea, in danger, without sleep, without food and naked. That’s what Paul had to contend with. Some of us might not make it through just one of the things on his list. In view of that collection of problems, read what Paul writes here:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   – Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)

“Rejoice in the Lord always? How? Have you seen my bills?” you might say. “Don’t be anxious about anything? Do you know what kind of pressure I’m facing at work?” you might ask. Paul could possibly respond by saying, “No, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Can you imagine being flogged? Or stoned? Or beaten?”

With everything he went through, how could he actually rejoice? How could he be happy? And yes, I’ll stretch the comparison just a bit by asking how could he perhaps even laugh at his circumstances?

I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  – Philippians 4:10-13 (NIV)

Paul’s focus was on Christ and the strength he provides. Unlike Paul, many times, our suffering is due to our own unrighteousness. It may be a direct result of not obeying God’s Word in the first place. Nevertheless, Paul reveals to us the secret of maintaining joy and happiness in the worst moments of life: get your strength from Jesus.

Weathering Life’s Storms with Humor

Ron and Linda Brumley are exemplary disciples of Christ in a variety of ways, but one of the aspects I most admire about them is the sense of humor they both have. Although they are getting on in years, it is that lighthearted approach and quick wit that preserves a remarkable youthfulness about them.

Back in the ’80s, Ron was in the hospital for a biopsy on a tumor in his chest that turned out to be malignant. His room was overflowing with friends and family who had come to visit. Linda, of course, was by his bedside. Ron began to speak and the room fell silent.

“Linda,” he said, “years ago, you were there when the doctor gave us the bad news about our son possibly having juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.” Remembering the scare they had been through, Linda nodded, receiving sympathetic looks from family.

“Linda,” Ron continued, “you were there that year when our daughter was in and out of the hospital battling pneumonia.” Linda nodded again, recalling that challenging time they faced together. The onlookers murmured supportively.

“And Linda,” Ron went on, “you were there every time we went through tough times financially.” Again, Linda nodded as the crowd of friends pressed in closer trying to hear every word.

“Linda,” Ron affirmed with conviction, “you’re bad luck!”

After a split second of confusion mixed with disbelief, the room erupted in boisterous laughter. Linda, however, saw that punch line coming from a mile away.

Sometimes, being a good wife is being a good straight man for your husband, too.

Ron told Linda his first joke over 50 years ago and they are still able to laugh together.


As with any check list, this one may show your strengths and weaknesses, what’s already present and what’s missing from your relationship. A check list reveals where you’re at and where you need to go. The good news is you can celebrate what’s going well and make a plan to fortify what’s lacking in your marriage.  With reliance on God and some attention to the matter, you’ll soon be checking all the boxes!

The Strong Marriage Check List: Item #2 – Trust

by Leslie De Morais

 

Opinions differ regarding what a marriage needs to either become strong or stay strong. The following is from a list I compiled of ten essential characteristics couples need to build a strong and lasting marriage.

Item #2: Trust

“The best proof of love is trust.” That’s a quote from the renowned American psychologist and columnist, Joyce Brothers1. We’ve all read something similar to her quote in the Bible.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.                            – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

That’s the Biblical definition of love. It’s what we are all striving for in our relationships. It’s what we want our marriages to be based on. But what if your marriage has suffered a breach of confidence? It could be a minor infraction like forgetting to accomplish a promised task or it could be infinitely more damaging like the infidelity with which some couples must grapple.  What do you do to overcome mistrust? On the other end of the spectrum, how can you regain your spouse’s trust once lost?

Entire books are written about questions such as these. I’ll not pretend to provide all the answers in a short post like this. However, after reading this you may find yourself pointed in the right direction. The hard work will then be up to you.

The Basis of Trust

Trust, like a good name, takes years to establish and only a single moment to lose.  It may be based on a handshake, a promise, a vow or even the simple desire to believe. Trust is the consensus between two parties of a mutual understanding.

In the beginning, trust is like a tiny sapling that has the potential to grow into a mighty tree; well rooted and immovable, with a fortitude that inspires complete confidence. Or, that same vulnerable sapling may also be stepped on and crushed.

Deep inside most of us is the strong desire to trust. We want to believe with all our heart, in someone or something. In marriage, we want to believe in our spouse and we want to believe in love. It gives us hope. Trust is that northern star that guides us and provides a sense of direction, purpose and stability.

A relationship with God is much the same. While alive on this earth, He is invisible to us. We cannot see, hear or touch Him, yet we are asked to believe and trust in His existence. His son lived a distant 2000 years before us and God works through a Holy Spirit, which is also unseen and not physically felt.  Everything about our relationship with God relies entirely on trust, and a blind trust at that. So why and how do we do it?

Why do we trust?

God has made Himself known to us in everything we see, touch and feel. He is all around us and in everything He created. Have you ever watched a sunrise or sunset and marveled at the beauty of it? Have you ever wondered at the complexity of a living organism? Have you ever been amazed at the perfection of the human body or the miracle of life in a newborn baby? That’s God making himself known to us so that we can trust Him.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.  – Romans 1:20 (NIV)

How do we trust?

It starts with baby steps of faith. We read about God, His promises, His kingdom, His Son, His Spirit and we think, “Can it be true?” So, we take a small step and test our footing. Still on firm ground, we practice a Biblical concept to see what will happen. Perhaps we decide to make time for daily devotion and soon we feel closer to God. We start understanding a spiritual teaching and experience a shift in attitude or make a character change. We read some more. We wonder. We step out on faith. And we are not disappointed. We are building trust. Our walk with God begins and grows stronger.

Hopefully, your relationship with your husband began the same way. You got to know one another slowly. You deposited faith and confidence in each other. Trust grew little by little.

There’s only one problem.

God is amazingly perfect, always consistent, ever infallible, reassuringly reliable, absolutely dependable and completely trustworthy. We are not.

Then how can any marriage become strong if trust is one of the qualities a marriage requires?  How can we trust one another when we each have an imperfect nature and sinful tendencies?

The solution is simple, but not easy. We trust our spouse by imitating the attitude God has towards us. He trusts that we will keep our promises to Him. If or when we fail, He forgives us and we begin again.

When God asks us to trust not only Him but each other in marriage, He knows He’s asked a lot of us. Here’s a quote I really admire and ponder:

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”                  – Corrie ten Boom2.

Our future may be unknown to us and the depths of our spouse’s heart may also be unknown to us, but we are still in the hands of a known God.

Learning to Trust

My parents divorced when I was 12. It didn’t affect me much at the time since my father was predominantly an absent parent. My mother rarely criticized him openly, although I know she suffered greatly in a loveless marriage. During my adolescence, my mother sometimes confided in me more as a much-needed friend than a daughter. She began to open up to me about the reality of marriage. Out of a desire to protect and prepare me, she shared her acquired philosophy and worldly wisdom regarding marriage, gleaned from years of disappointment and disillusionment. She told me that all men cheated. She warned me about marrying a man from certain cultures because women were mere pieces of property to them. She advised me that if I chose to marry, I would be smart to have a separate and secret bank account so that when my husband left me I’d have something to fall back on.

Those comments, made continuously during my teen years, completely infiltrated and tainted my thinking. She had to be right, I reflected, just look at the outcome of her life and that of so many others. But was she?

When I became a Christian at age 22, I began learning how to discern spiritual concepts from worldly ones. I don’t doubt my mother’s genuine concern for my welfare. I believe she thought she was giving valuable motherly advice that would save me from pain and sorrow. However, her perspective was not biblical. It was based on her own experiences, which were not governed by Christ.

As a young disciple of Jesus, I had a long, hard road ahead of me to learn how to trust. It meant intense mental, emotional and spiritual training to undo the flawed ideas accumulated in the world and then carefully replace them with the spiritual concepts of Christ. It was necessary to learn a new perspective, believe a new narrative. God would reshape everything I had been taught up until then about men, relationships and marriage. This passage helped me:

We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 8 None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9 However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—

10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12 What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. 14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, 16 for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord
so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ.    – 1 Corinthians 2:6-16 (NIV)

By the wisdom of this world, I had no reason to trust anyone. As a Christian, I made the decision to no longer live according to this world, and in this case, that meant stepping out on faith by trusting.

God’s wisdom is definitely a mystery. But with the mind of Christ, we can comprehend even a mystery like trust.

Regaining Trust

The only thing more difficult than building trust is regaining it. We mere mortals seem to have an innate aversion to making the same mistake twice, hence the tendency to be unforgiving and to keep a record of wrongs.

There’s a Brazilian proverb that says, “A scalded cat fears even cold water.”

The truth is, regaining trust requires time and an impressive (and repentant) new track record. This passage outlines a plan:

First to those in Damascus, then to those in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and then to the Gentiles, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and demonstrate their repentance by their deeds.      – Acts 26:20

Repentance is change. It’s a change others can see. It’s a change made from the inside out. It’s real and it’s lasting. We obtain it by turning to God. Relying on Him is the only way to transform our true nature. Then, we prove we’ve changed by our actions and attitudes.

Humility is also key to this transformation. Have you ever known someone who was clearly in the wrong, sees they were wrong, and may even admit they were wrong, but gets defensive when the matter is brought up? Perhaps you’ve been that person. Someone sincerely interested in regaining trust has the humility and good sense to know others have reason to be cautious. The presence of humility will help assure and aid them in the healing process of regaining trust.

When repentance is coupled with humility, our past may be brought up, discussed and even used as an example of what not to do without affecting us negatively. Why?  Because of the positive change that has taken place.

Trust is more than a lofty idea or romantic notion. Trust is obtainable. It is real and worth more than you can imagine. It is truly the cornerstone of any solid relationship. What are your trust issues? Are you ready to align yourself with a Biblical standard? Take the time and the steps needed to nurture trust. You’ll be glad you did. Trust me!


As with any check list, this one may show your strengths and weaknesses, what’s already present and what’s missing from your relationship. A check list reveals where you’re at and where you need to go. The good news is you can celebrate what’s going well and make a plan to fortify what’s lacking in your marriage.  With reliance on God and some attention to the matter, you’ll soon be checking all the boxes!

The Strong Marriage Check List: Item #1 – Honesty

by Leslie De Morais

Characteristic #1: Honesty

“Honesty is such a lonely word…everyone is so untrue…honesty is hardly ever heard…and mostly what I need from you.” Billy Joel’s lyrics ring true. We all desire honesty in our relationships and especially in our marriage. As with all the other items on the Strong Marriage Check List, we must first ask ourselves, “Do I have the characteristic I’m seeking in my spouse?”

Fearless Honesty

During an eight-week marriage course my husband and I took a few years back, the question of honesty arose. Using a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being a perfect score), we were asked to rate each other on a list of desirable qualities for our marriage and then discuss our ratings with our spouse. As I thought about my husband, he scored well on all the honesty related queries. I assumed we’d breeze through that portion of the survey. I was wrong. First, I shared all the high marks I gave him, smiling and innocent as to what was to befall me. Then, as he took in a deep breath and revealed my shoddy scores, “Five in truthfulness, four in openness, and five in candor,” I gasped aloud. “What!” Was there time to revise the scores I had given him? How could this be? What was he thinking? If I had been a Russian gymnast, I’d have been given a one-way ticket on the next train to Siberia with scores like that!

We tend to think of honesty as simply telling the truth, which it certainly is. However, it is more than that. It’s not holding back any of the truth. It’s not sugarcoating or telling half-truths. No omissions or filtering. Honesty risks angering or even hurting your spouse’s feelings so they can know you fully and completely. Sometimes it risks losing someone’s admiration or good opinion of you.

“How have I been dishonest with you?” I demanded to know. “You don’t share your dreams with me,” he replied.  Whoa. He was right. I had made a conscious yet semi-unconscious decision to stop sharing certain thoughts, dreams and aspirations with him some time ago. I wasn’t even sure when, but I had done it. Why? Well, my husband is one of those realists, you know the kind, tell him a goal and he’ll be sure to show you how and why it won’t work. Share a starry-eyed dream with him and he’ll shoot it full of holes. Moreover, he thinks he’s doing you a favor by explaining why you shouldn’t waste your time, money and effort on something that won’t work. I had good reasons not be open about my fragile, vulnerable and precious little dreams…I didn’t want them killed!

So, with great care and uncanny detail, I reminded him of past massacres. He agreed and admitted he had not known how to listen to my dreams without resisting the urge to adjust them so they made sense in his mind. Okay. Now we were starting to get somewhere. As we continued to unravel the honesty dilemma, we came to several very important conclusions about how we approach life in different ways; neither way was better, nor worse, just different. As a compromise, we adopted the French phrase, “Vive la différence!”

Just as I thought we could move on to the next item on the survey, he asked, “So, are you going to start sharing your dreams with me?” I was hoping he wouldn’t ask. I was hoping I could share just a little bit more and it might be enough. He wanted it all. That would leave me feeling uncomfortably vulnerable at the chance of reliving past disappointments where dreams, goals and aspirations were slashed and slaughtered, much like the protagonist’s friends in a teen horror flick.

“But what if you do it again? What if you step on my dreams and discourage me?” I asked.

“It’s possible. I’m not perfect. I may not be able to change overnight. But if you don’t take the first step by opening up I’ll never have the chance to change,” he refuted. I couldn’t argue that rationale. “And besides,” he continued, “as Christians, we do what’s right because it’s right, not because someone else reacts perfectly.” Match, set and game. He was right. I could not continue to shield myself. If honesty was truly important to me, I had to risk openness because the reward of true closeness and unity was too great. It would most likely require some patience and undoubtedly some forgiveness on my part, but if he was willing to change his evil ways then I was too.

Share Your Life Openly

Some Bible study helped me to gain more conviction about what I was learning. Honesty, to be fully effective, goes hand in hand with love.  Consider this scripture:

Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.                                                  – 1 Thessalonians 2:8b (NIV)

In the beginning of the chapter, the Apostle Paul addresses the fact that even though Silas, Timothy and he had “suffered and been treated outrageously” in Philippi (the previous town on their missionary journey), they did not fail to share the gospel with the Thessalonians. They did it out of love; love for God, love for Christ and love for those who needed to hear the message. Their hope that the Thessalonians would soon become their brothers in Christ outweighed their fear of being hurt once more.

I couldn’t claim to have suffered or been treated outrageously when my husband applied his realist’s viewpoints to my dreams. There were even instances when he raised valid points about feasibility and finances. His perspective challenged me to do more than dream.

Speak the Truth in Love

For some, being completely honest is not an easy task because they are more concerned with their spouse’s feelings than with genuine openness. Others, are all too willing to tell it like it is, but lack the sensitivity required when discussing difficult topics. Biblical honesty will call us to new heights in our marriages. Honesty can inspire deep change and meaningful growth, not only in ourselves but also in others. However, there’s a way to do it.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.              – Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

The word instead refers to the prior verse, which talks about the immaturity and instability that comes from unbiblical teachings and unspiritual influences. Only through speaking the truth in love will we ever obtain the unity taught in the rest of the passage.

My husband Alcides and I have decided to speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth…in love. It’s a decision I need to make repeatedly because I’m tempted to protect my feelings. We also made the decision to listen in love.

Honesty. Can you check this off on your list?

Decide to be open. Decide to speak the truth in love.

I’m convinced, it’s one of the best ways to stay in love.


As with any check list, this one may show your strengths and weaknesses, what’s already present and what’s missing from your relationship. A check list reveals where you’re at and where you need to go. The good news is you can celebrate what’s going well and make a plan to fortify what’s lacking in your marriage.  With reliance on God and some attention to the matter, you’ll soon be checking all the boxes!