by Leslie De Morais
Good – [goo d] (adj.) 1) morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious: a good man. 2) satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree: a good teacher; good health. 3) of high quality; excellent. 4) right; proper; fit: It is good that you are here. His credentials are good. 5) well-behaved: a good child. 6) kind, beneficent, or friendly: to do a good deed. 7) honorable or worthy; in good standing: a good name. Ect. 1
Good – [goo d] (noun) 1) profit or advantage; worth; benefit: What good will that do? We shall work for the common good. 2) excellence or merit; kindness: to do good. 3) moral righteousness; virtue: to be a power for good. 4) the good. a) the idea of goodness or morality. b) good things or persons collectively.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:12 (NIV)
How good is good?
Much to my surprise, I found over 50 definitions, in a variety of forms, for the word “good.” Only 11 are listed above. Who knew such an unassuming little word was so ample and versatile. The fact is we take the word “good” for granted. It’s not as grand as great or as flashy as fantastic. The word good doesn’t hold our attention like amazing or wow us like wonderful. We tend to think of the word good as sufficient, as in the expression “good enough,” or like the contemporary response “I’m good,” which communicates a satisfactorily satiated state when asked if more food or drink are desired.
In a world of mind numbing choices of products, services and experiences, who would ever settle for plain old good. We want the best! There’s also a never-ending quest for individuals to rise above the crowd and be set apart from the masses. In view of the incessant selfies and constant social media self-promotion to which so many are addicted, settling for good just doesn’t cut it. Then, what on earth did God see in the word “good” that He should inspire its use in Proverbs 31:12, regarding the wife of noble character?
Lessons Learned from Creation
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. 3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. – Genesis 1:1-5 (NIV)
In the third verse of the Bible, God uses the word good to describe the light he had made from nothing. By verse 30, God used the word good six times to describe a few little things he created, like: the land and the sea; all variations of vegetation; the sun, the moon and the stars; all living creatures in the sky and the water; and all living creatures on land. All this He deemed good. Good? I would have said stupendous, incredible, marvelous, astonishing or so many other phenomenal adjectives.
Then, when God stepped back and admired his work, He decided to live a little and described that first six days of work as very good.
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. – Genesis 1:31 (NIV)
If God sees fit to use the word good to describe the birth of a galaxy or the formation of a planet as good, well perhaps we’d all better upgrade this dictionary classification from ordinary and sufficient to and an all-encompassing mighty titan of a word worthy of great feats!
The Proverbs 31 Wife
The wife of noble character is described as someone who “brings her husband good.” What exactly does that mean? How can a wife bring her husband “good?”
Over the years I have observed, both in my own husband and in the male gender in general, that men like to keep things uncomplicated. Women, on the other hand, have a tendency toward the more complex. If you’re reading between the lines right now, you might be coming up with some adjectives of your own to describe how each of the sexes approaches life. One style isn’t better than the other. They are just different. It is to a spouse’s benefit to understand the differences and react or adjust accordingly.
Three words come to mind when thinking about how to bring my husband “good.” The words are “easy, simple and happy.” At first glance, you may think these three little words are exceedingly elementary or immensely mundane. But if we’re talking about how to bring our husbands good and not harm, we must first consider their definition of good and not our own.
The fall of “man” (AKA: Adam) resulted in a major life style change for all mankind: hard work. Apparently, what Adam had been doing in the Garden of Eden up until he and Eve ate the forbidden fruit was not considered hard work. In Eden, God required two things from Adam: take care of the garden (Genesis 2:15), and name all the animals (Genesis 2:19-20a). Then, Eve sinned by disobeying God and Adam followed right along. The result for Adam that ensued was backbreaking, never ending hard work.
17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’
“Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.” – Genesis 3:17-19 (NIV)
Hard work is the curse brought down on man for the iniquities of Adam. That connection with work is deep in the male gender’s DNA. Men seem to derive their self-worth from their work. They also assess one another based on the type of work they do and the strength or intelligence required to perform that work. As a by-product, the income received or the quality of life resulting from that work is also factored into the appraisal equation. In general, when it comes to their daily toil, men are competitive, driven and dedicated to their work. This is neither praise of the fact nor criticism on my part, simply an observation.
I have also observed an area of a married man’s life where he does not want work: his relationship with his wife.
What do I mean by “work” in the relationship? Men tend to be objective, concise, no frills. Women tend to be the opposite. Men want relating to their wives to be easy. They want their wives to be easy to talk to and easy to understand. Easy to lead. Easy going, easy to please. For the majority of men, their “work” is what they leave the house to do. They want their relationship with their spouse to be synchronized, balanced and functional.
So how can a wife bring her husband good? Be easy to be with. Sounds easy enough, yet a woman has towering challenges to surmount in order to become an easygoing person.
Hormones and Emotions
A woman’s monthly cycle does not typically facilitate any of her relationships and especially the one with her spouse. I’m sure you are familiar with all those symptoms that afflict women every 28 days. Irritability, pain, bloating, discomfort and fatigue. It’s a wonder we can maintain any relationship while dealing with these ailments. The physical changes in the body coupled with the spike in hormones creates the perfect menstrual storm and our husbands are the tiny fishing boats trying to weather it unscathed.
How can a wife be easy to be with while going through the most painful and uncomfortable time of the month? Here are a few suggestions:
Many women have absolutely no idea when their period is about to strike. Why is that? For most, their menstruation is like clockwork, on time and reliable. So, why not prepare for it? How? Prayer and scripture. God expects us to be self-controlled in all situations. That’s how we avoid sin even when we’re in pain. Here are some helpful tips:
- Use a calendar to record the beginning and end of your cycle. Note the most challenging days and the symptoms you experience. It will likely be the same each month.
- Explain to your spouse what you go though, both the physical and the emotional. Men have a hard time understanding or remembering what you feeling since they have never experienced anything like it.
- Let your husband know when your period is about to kick in so he can be aware and be sensitive to what you’re going through.
- In your daily devotionals, pray for self-control and read scriptures that will encourage the same. Pray for a double portion of patience, kindness and restraint.
- Whenever able, use sick leave from work for your worst menstrual days. Although having your period is not an illness, you’re definitely not well. For many years I toughed it out at work during my period only to come home feeling completely spent and irritated, taking my pain and frustration out on my family. Only in later years did I discover the wisdom of allowing myself the much-needed rest and pampering my body and emotions craved during my menstrual cycle.
The same is true of pregnancy and menopause. Although symptoms vary with each phase of life, and from person to person, one thing remains true: we are not condemned to be controlled by hormones and emotions. We’ll be women who are easy to be with the more we are determined to take control of what we’re experiencing during uncomfortable or painful times of our lives.
Women love events. We love dressing up and going out. We love excitement and entertainment. We love turning the mundane into an occasion and the ordinary into an experience. We love adorning, embellishing, decorating and designing. We love planning and prepping. We’re all about the tiny details as well as creating show stopping wow factors. We love color and texture, mixing and matching. Men on the other hand, like to keep things simple.
Has this ever happened to you? You enthusiastically begin telling your husband some amazing plans you have. Vividly, you describe all your ideas down to infinitesimal detail and he begins to look as if he’s developing a headache? That’s because most men are big picture people. They understand the plan in broad brushstrokes. The details are of little consequence, in their view. However, for those of us of the fairer sex, the details are significant and are a way to express our creativity and personality. How can you bring your husband good? Try your best to keep things simple, in speech and in actions, especially if he actually makes that request. Remember, less really is more…at least for men.
When thinking of the scene of a young man nervously asking the father of his beloved for her hand in marriage, I’m reminded of the reply from the protective dad heard in countless books and movies, “Just be sure to make her happy.”
Unfortunately, many women go into marriage believing it is the husband’s duty to make his bride happy. But is it? Ephesians 5 teaches that husbands must love their wives and ensure they are holy and blameless before God. That, in and of itself, is a monumental task. Is the husband also responsible for his wife’s happiness?
If a man is following the word of God and loving his wife as Christ loved the church, laying down his very life for her, I imagine that would make any woman happy. However, what about her day-to-day happiness. A better question is, “Can anyone be solely responsible for another’s continued happiness?”
Just as faith, repentance and discipleship are individual responsibilities, I believe happiness is, too. One way for a wife to bring her husband good and not harm is to be accountable for her own happiness. Why? In my experience, I have found that happiness is a decision. It’s a decision that only I can make for myself.
Something that inspires me in the decision to be happy is the fact that happiness makes a person more beautiful naturally. It also lightens any mood and brightens circumstances.
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. – Proverbs 15:13 (NIV)
A happy woman attracts people and her happiness is contagious. She is a person who lifts spirits just by smiling genuinely. She lights up a room and people are drawn to her.
Easy, simple, and happy. That’s a good starting point for any woman to bring her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.